I don't have any experience with sane, safe and consensual. I'm just now exploring BDSM in terms of community ideology and protocol. I'm very confused right now. I suffered through a ridiculous amount of trauma in childhood and I can't find clarity on where my natural submissive inclinations end and the repercussions of abuse begin. I feel like I can't explore this without addressing my past first but it doesn't seem like something that can be overcome. I've been celibate for years now and I have cravings. It just feels wrong to bring anything into a relationship and unfair to have the other person have to put up with any of it. I also worry that I could never learn to trust a man not to use my issues to manipulate me. I just know that I need to do something about it before I act in desperation, my level of physical and emotional need seems potentially explosive.