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Alana Negotiates A Bad Deal
Author: Joe Misery
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(Added on Jul 9, 2003)
(This month 55840 readers) (Total 94442 readers) |
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Young talented & gorgeous 19 year old Alana has lost her touch in her line of work & has fallen in debt. She has no where to go to help her get ahead, so she contacts a competitor/friend for his assistance, but ends up being pressured into slavery. She soon gets in for MUCH more than she ever dreamt of or bargained for as she becomes a sex-slave for a cruel master. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 9 |
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2 |
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| 11% |
11% |
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33% |
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11% |
22% |
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0% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (6/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (1/10) |
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| Reviewer:
candiL
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 29, 2005 |
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terrible sentence & paragraph structure (not that I'm one to criticize it, but still not good).
But enjoyable read. I hope theres a part 2 & that its better written. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
GaelstormIRA
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 28, 2005 |
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Paragraph structure was the downfall to the story. Though it was an interesting read, the grammatical errors and the style of writing made it almost unbarable. (2/10)
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| Reviewer:
Spectre
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 24, 2004 |
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Interesting storyline. Needs some polishing, but still readable. Looking foward to more. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
hongcouver12
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 30, 2004 |
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awesome story. One of the better ones I have seen.
It would be a 10 if grammar was better. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 30, 2004 |
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i loved the story but the paragraphs are WAY to long, the rating is for the paragraphs it made it hard to read i give you an 8 for the story itself (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
tcthetorturer
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 29, 2003 |
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very entertaining. Grammar is a bit choppy. Still well written enough to follow. Has to create more paragraphs. Very detailed, may be a bit long for a short read however. Still like it alot (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
OneHotThing4All
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 30, 2003 |
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The idea behind the story is not bad, but the author
needs help in writing it so that I will want to read it. Th narative and dialog need to be improved. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Curtis
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 11, 2003 |
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Okay, Joe, this is the situation: You have some (not huge) spelling, punctuation and sentence structure problems. You have a HUGE paragraph structure problem (the problem being huge paragraphs and failure to break between people's speeches). There are also some technical problems with specific activities, BUT, this is a seriously hot story, not totally implausible and just crying out for an editor. With some cleaning up, this could have been a '7'. Take some classes, man. You can do better than this. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
don11
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 11, 2003 |
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Simply too hard to read. I lasted the first paragraph. The odd presentation does the reader no favours.
Maybe it is a great story. THere is too much on offer for me to mae the effort. (1/10)
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