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The Fetish Dress Shop
Author: Evil Misstress
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(Added on Dec 11, 2004)
(This month 57758 readers) (Total 85073 readers) |
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Mary Steel a young college student and Dominatrix,is out looking for some new pets when she stumbles across Pat and her lovely assistant.who are quickly made her new pet sex slaves. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (7/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (2/10) |
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| Reviewer:
didmaker
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 22, 2010 |
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Even due to the poor grammar I found it enjoyable. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 13, 2004 |
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And no, I couldn't finish it either. So many concerns, here. You don't "enlighten" a room, you enlighten someone by teaching them. You can 'light' it, or 'brighten' it, or even 'light it up".
Quotation marks are important. Knowing who is speaking is iimportant. Staying in character is important: "She said to herself this was just what she was looking for." She wouldn't call herself 'she' in her own mind! Properly stated, it would be: "She said to herself, "This is just what I'm looking for!"
You have some good possibilities, but you badly need an editor who can write proper English.
Not flaming here, just suggesting for your future. You'll lose everyone in your audience, no matter how exciting the story is meant to be, or how erotic, if you cannot help them read the whole thing!
And I'll bet you a quarter 'Evil Misstress' is a guy. (2/10)
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| Reviewer:
Aria2
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 11, 2004 |
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Story has promise but the grammar and spelling errors are distracting and left me aggrevated very shortly into the second paragraph. The errors were so distracting that I never finished the story. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Breannefun
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 11, 2004 |
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First of all, I think that the tense used in writing this story is wrong. Its almost as if it READS like a screen play. That always takes away from the reading experience because people are used to reading past tense. Word choice could be better, I saw repeated uses of adjectives and verbs within paragraphs, and even within sentences. The story itself was thick with physical descriptors. Long time authors know not to do this. Let your readers imagine the ladies for themselves. You can give a few details, but leave off their demensions. They're having a sexual experience, not going to buy a dress. Despite what you see in internet chat rooms, your measurements are not a precurser to introductions. Next, lets discuss the purpose of paragraphs. They are intended to place similar thoughts, or at least thoughts that flow together into a conglomerate so that the reader can better understand the flow of the story. Oh well...to be honest I couldn't even get through this story. Good luck. (5/10)
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