|
|
|
|
|
The Sentence
Author: Darklaw
|
| |
(Added on May 18, 2005)
(This month 99409 readers) (Total 136458 readers) |
| |
Captain Raymond and the Lady Josephine are sentenced to death and tortured in the most brutal ways possible. Skip this one if you don't like gang rape, crucifixion, impalement, denial as torture (if you have to ask you have neve been married) the pear, testicle crushing, breast ripping, and other great tortures described in excruciating and historically accurate detail. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
| 0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
50% |
0% |
0% |
50% |
0% |
0% |
|
Weighed
Average (?):  (6/10) |
Average
Rating:  (6.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
lex ludite
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 20, 2005 |
| |
Despite its mechanical imperfections, all of which can be repaired, this story generates tremendous heat. I even detect some faint shreds of originality in this one. The site and its readership could do with an injection of some fresh blood,guts and violence, all of which can be found in this raw, ultraviolent, over the top, debut by this author. My rating does not follow the guidelines, so what else is new? (8/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Breannefun
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 18, 2005 |
| |
Darklaw, this is your first story on the BDSM library, so I want to be helpful and nice. First of all, find yourself an editor. It really does make things go easier if someone is there proofreading your work first. Not only that, but a good editor would have mentioned some of the following elements: The cries attributed to the female victim aren't appropriate for what has been done to her. "ohhh owww that hurts" is what I say when a clothespin has been left on too long. This girl was gang raped, whipped, penetrated with a metal ridged dildo, forced upon a judas' cradle and then whipped. Also, I would recommend that more time for the punishments be placed into effect. As exciting as boom boom boom is, your victims wouldn't have lasted the first 12 hours. Typos abound, something else that can be corrected by a decent editor, and lastly, you failed to use quotation marks, delineating dialog from description. So what does all this mean? It means you have vision, so don't give up. Keep writing, keep adjusting. You might want to even revamp this story and repost it, cleaning it up. Email me if you need an editor. Breanne (5/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
Darklaw
(Edit) (May 18, 2005)
- I appreciate the input. You are not the first editor (or judge) to note my less than perfect punctuation although spellcheck did not pick up my abounding spelling errors even with a 2nd look. I am a freelance correspondent and a practicing attorney and could never figure out why those minor details are so important to some people.
The "inappropriate cries" you noted arise from a standalone story and the old "cut and paste" technique so it shows you were reading carefully.
More time for punishments in a 14,000 word piece? As indicated, this was really an adapted compilation of (at least) 4 stories so I thought it was to long.
|
|
|
About 