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Her Last Ticket
Author: Evil Misstress
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(Added on Jul 3, 2005)
(This month 55118 readers) (Total 79360 readers) |
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Alone Lady Officer how likes to strip and humilate young women gets herself into trouble with the wrong young girl.Her older sister takes revenge on the Officer. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 7 |
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29% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (4.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (4.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (1/10) |
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 7, 2010 |
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Sorry, but I can't go any higher than a five rating here.
While the storyline shows a lot of promise --for being an interesting set-up-- the execution lacks on all fronts.
Evil Mistress is also an odd one. I have up until now read three of her stories: the first one, a middle one and this, her last pledge.
What struck me is that the very first one was the best. Not content-wise, but on the front most of Evil Mistress' stories go wrong; that of the grammar, syntax and some such.
Normally, one would expect a writer to become better as she/he goes along. Adding experience to the equationn and so on.
Not Evil Mistress. She seems to go backwards.
It's a damn shame too, that Evil Mistress doesn't pay more attention to what, or more precisely to *how* she writes, because, wring her stories through a cleaner, and I'm pretty sure something above par comes out the other end.
JJ (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
kevin666
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 19, 2005 |
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I found this story very enjoyable. Could have been improved on but I like the plot and the character who gets in hot water. My type of story.
Thanks. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
slaveneedledick
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 6, 2005 |
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The plot was there to be developed as well as the characters. I think the author could have improved it by making it a little more realistic the jail scene was a little far fetched. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
C_Lakewood
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 4, 2005 |
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The plot really isn't very good, the characters
are cardboard, and the mechanics are the worst
I've seen on this site. Proofreading and
editing would improve it, but not enough to make
it worth your time and trouble, I'm afraid.
Anyone who would post this story in this
condition is as arrogant as she is incompetent. (1/10)
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| Reviewer:
Dododecapod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 3, 2005 |
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Some very hot ideas, but frankly some very poor execution.
Punctuation is your friend. Learn to use it often, and well, for run-on sentences are painful to read. Particularly, utilise the apostrophe anytime you change phrase.
Different ideas call for different sentences, or even different paragraphs.
Try to get a smooth flow of information, not a glut all at once.
Use quotation marks and change paragraphs when someone speaks. Do not be afraid to have your characters give some of the information; huge blocks of exposition are mind-numbing.
Get a thesaurus and use it. Synonyms are also your friend.
You have good ideas, but if you can't express them well, no one will want to read them. I look forward to reading your pieces in the future. (2/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 3, 2005 |
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the storyline itself is great bu the story witten does not hold up to what i expected (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
Breannefun
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 3, 2005 |
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Ouch. I tried. I really did. I just couldn't make it through. The plot was fine, but the grammar was just so awful that it distracted me. Runon sentences, improper words...it was just to much. Please please please get an editor, or at least click "change" when Microsoft Word tells you to. (3/10)
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