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Slaver's Empire
Author: Will
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(Added on Jul 23, 2005)
(This month 73233 readers) (Total 100209 readers) |
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"She said, he said" episodes in the life of slaves, trainers, owners, dealers, etc. A blend of some SF elements with "real" world considerations. More to come as I find the time. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 7 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (9/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (8/10) |
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| Reviewer:
delish
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 19, 2011 |
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I like the shifting POV and don't find it confusing at all. It's an effective way to get the inner dialogues of both parties, which is always interesting to me, and Will handles the transitions deftly. I like the atmosphere of the story. I think the connection between the pair grew a little quickly, and I'd like some background on them both, but it doesn't look like there's anything more in the works for this one. It's still worth reading, though. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Jill Terwilliger
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 6, 2005 |
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Since you've stated these episodes will be "she said, he saids" I see no reason to alter your writing style with the changing POVs. I prefer the changes in POV as you have them. I think it would be far more confusing (and tedious) to back up to previous scenes to recount someone elses POV.
This was an enjoyable read and I felt no need to "sift" through the material.
It does feel a bit unfinished however, so I do hope that you "find the time" before I've forgotten all about this :)
Updating for 2nd edition:
I'm still enjoying the read. I don't have much to say for it that I didn't say already, except that it's getting better and I'm eagerly anticipating your next installment. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
willpasha
(Edit) (Jul 27, 2005)
- "...It does feel a bit unfinished...
Thanks, y'all. It is unfinished but there's lots more already written and some uploaded for processing. Stay tuned. ;)
I'm curious about your thoughts as to the optimum balance of detail, action, and interior dialogue.
Do I need more of what happened, exactly how it happened, or what was thought and felt about what happened?
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| Reviewer:
Satan_Klaus
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 30, 2005 |
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Hot story!
Good writing skills and short but intense action.
One critique, though: I think you should do away with the second point of view. It is confusing and prevents the reader from identifying with the character.
Satan_Klaus
Update: With the second chapter added I raised my score to 8. The story is simply getting better as it goes. I still maintain that the double POV is confusing, especially the short episodes in one POV between two long ones in the other. If they where at least a bit longer I could more readily slide into that POV before getting yanked out of it again. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
willpasha
(Edit) (Jul 30, 2005)
- "I still maintain that the double POV is confusing..."
S_K, thanks for the upgrade. ;) There's not much I can (or rather want) to do about what's already written but I can lengthen further segments.
A question: Which of the several POVs seems the most realistic?
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| Reviewer:
Rocky
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 30, 2005 |
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The makings of an all-time favorite. Looking forward to more installments and, hopefully, a conclusion many chapters away! (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 26, 2005 |
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i enojoyed the read, something a bit different please do more like this (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Mad Lews
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 25, 2005 |
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Great story. You may be spending too much time daydreaming at the gym but hey! whatever works. I have no problem with the changing points of view as long as you keep them in seperate paragraphs but that's just me. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
Darcprince
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 24, 2005 |
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I truely enjoyed this story,it has the makings for good reading if you decide to continue...by all means please do. (9/10)
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