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I Am The Thorn King, The Lord of Brambles
Author: Vorpal Bull
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(Added on Aug 24, 2005)
(This month 59663 readers) (Total 79187 readers) |
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A young, capable man captures a woman and begins to make her his slave. First of a short series. New editions will include more fetishes. First chapter includes the capture and rape of the young woman. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 10 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (9/10) |
| Average
Rating: (9/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Claire
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 18, 2006 |
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Part 3. is good, but (don't you hate buts - however butts are another thing aren't they?) it was missing something the first two had. I thought it might just be that slight disappointment that always comes when you have really high expectations - nothing can ever really live up to them. I had to re-read the first two chapters - darn :) - to be sure. It was very good, but was missing some of the tension and anticipation that the first two held. It was also too short, but I would probably still say that if it were twice as long. I can't ever get enough. I haven't looked at this site in quite a while. I'm glad I checked today - I thought of you for some reason.
Parts 1 & 2
Wow, thank-you. The story lived up to it's tantalizing title. I loved the descriptions, they were so sensual - and I don't usually like much description in my stories - I like to know what the characters are thinking and feeling. It must be the sensuality of the descriptions that I like. I too am a Jabberwok fan and the way you can feel what it means even though you can't put definitions to the words.
You did an excellent job of getting into the master's head. I love that he is a person and not a one or two dimensional caricature.
The SM was perfect for me. I love the way the pain/fear helps build the lust. My sadist imagination also emerged when I was a child - I have often wondered if that is true for those of us who are aroused by this genere.
The only thing that could make this better for me is if you can also get more into the slaves head.
Alas, I have never been worthy of abduction. (10/10)
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- Replied by:
Vorpal Bull
(Edit) (Feb 9, 2006)
- Thanks very much, Claire. I'm a fan of the title myself. I'm not really considering getting into the slave's head in the sense that I would never write a chapter that has her as narrator, or "from her eyes" in a limited third-person perspective. Keeping it in a present-tense first person perspective is difficult enough, and I feel that it would compromise the rest of the work. However! I do promise (thank you for the reminder) that we will hopefully, and with a little luck in the writing process, come to know Slave's mind by virtue of her reactions, dialogue, and indirect expression. In other words, show, not tell. Many thanks for your review and the frumious rating. And if I wasn't writing from an undisclosed location, I might have to take your final comment as an invitational challenge.
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| Reviewer:
jocelynDL
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 8, 2006 |
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I loved this one. Your command of the language is fabulous and I enjoyed the slight edge of evil in your character. I hope you continue with the tale because, frankly, it was the most powerful one I found while reading the library tonight. I see by your responses to earlier reviews that you're considering future story paths. Hmmm - artful begging? Blindfolds and more of the mind games he seems to enjoy?
jocelyn (10/10)
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- Replied by:
Vorpal Bull
(Edit) (Feb 9, 2006)
- Thank you, jocelynDL, for reading my story. I'm very glad you liked it in a literary sense in addition to its erotic value. A little artful begging isn't a bad thing. In fact, I think a great percentage of people perusing this site get their kicks from it. Yes, I am planning on including some sensory deprivation in future chapters, and yes, I will keep hammering away at the all-important psychological dynamic between the Master and Slave. Thanks again for reading.
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| Reviewer:
bdsmbill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 25, 2006 |
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Well done tale. While the SM was a bit strong for my personal taste, the quality of the writing compensated. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Vorpal Bull
(Edit) (Jan 26, 2006)
- Thanks for taking the time (and nerve) to finish it, bdsmbill. I know that it was a bit strong - in fact, it's a bit strong for my taste as well. I wouldn't go near most of the things the "Master" character does. However, I felt that in order to be more true to his character, I had to get into his head and write what I think he would do. Thank you so much for your review.
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| Reviewer:
chooky_104
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 24, 2006 |
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I liked it a lot. The honesty of the 'Learner Master' is refreshing.
Please dont take so long to post the next installment. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Vorpal Bull
(Edit) (Jan 26, 2006)
- Haha, point well taken, chooky_104. I'm afraid that I simply didn't have the time to complete it for a very long while. However, my schedule is a bit more free at this time, so I expect to post the next installment MUCH sooner. I also ran into a rather severe writer's block, and I had to take some time to do a little...."research," shall we say, so that I could write in what I felt would be an authentic fashion. Thanks so much for reading my story and the flattering score.
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| Reviewer:
Dododecapod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 10, 2005 |
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This was a very enjoyable and interesting beginning. You've set up a reasonable and believable character in the Master, with strengths, weaknesses, and doubts - an unusual level of realism (dare I say intimacy?) for this type of fiction. I really hope you continue this and explore many of his fetishes - or perhaps some of hers? I'll watch for the continuation of this. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Vorpal Bull
(Edit) (Sep 18, 2005)
- Thanks very much for taking the time to review my little story. I'm hoping that my next installment will be forthcoming soon, but at the moment I'm swamped in work. Thus, the "play" aspect is diminished. However, as frustration rises, so does creativity. Thanks for being such a prolific reviewer - it makes people want to keep writing.
-VB
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| Reviewer:
AsianAngel
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 4, 2005 |
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This is the story that made me register! What a great, great submission. This is the best thing I've read online. I agree with all of the positive things already said, and none of the negative. This *definitely* works as well as fiction as it does erotica. I don't have any requests other than that you keep doing this exactly as you did. I can't wait for the next installment! Bravo! (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Vorpal Bull
(Edit) (Sep 7, 2005)
- I am more than flattered by this rather glowing review. Thank you so much! I hope I don't wear out your patience before the next chapter eats its way out of my brain. ;) I can't say thank you enough.
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| Reviewer:
nothing
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 28, 2005 |
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Best piece I've read in absoulute ages. Just the right amount of detail, please don't change that in the next chapter. Intriguing as more than just erotism but as fiction as well. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Vorpal Bull
(Edit) (Aug 28, 2005)
- I'm more than pleased that you feel the story works as fiction as well as erotica. Thank you very much for reviewing.
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| Reviewer:
BDSgirl
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 25, 2005 |
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well, i loved it!! i really enjoyed all the dscriptive words used, but then i am a romantic pain slut, so hey, it was just perfect for me! and i really enjoyed the internal monologue, his own journey of self discovery. i eagerly await the next episode.
blu (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Vorpal Bull
(Edit) (Aug 27, 2005)
- Thanks, BDSgirl. At the moment, I'm kind of struggling with just what sort of breaking she's going to go through (i.e., techniques used and such). If you have any suggestions, I would LOVE to hear them. I've tried going through some of the Marquis de Sade's works (probably a horrible mangling of his name), but haven't found anything from his work "Lusts of the Libertines," which as I found out was a bit strong and tangental for me. Guess I'm just not as into the scatology scene as he was. Here we go, digressing again - if you have any ideas / personal favorites, I'd be glad to hear them. I guess this means I do requests.
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| Reviewer:
Mad Lews
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 25, 2005 |
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Wow a sadist with a history, a background, a bit of angst, perhaps even a rudimentary conscience. I sure hope he can keep all that under control while he breaks in his true lust. The writing style is full and detailed (sometimes maybe too detailed?) but the story line manages to keep pulling the reader along. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
Vorpal Bull
(Edit) (Aug 27, 2005)
- Thanks for responding! I am constantly struggling with over-writing, but you should have seen the damn thing on the first draft. Thanks again for your candid opinion. Good to know that the plot has some small hook to it.
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 24, 2005 |
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liked the story, could have done without the links you had by certain words (7/10)
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- Replied by:
Vorpal Bull
(Edit) (Aug 24, 2005)
- Noted and appreciated.
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