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Punk\'s First Piercing
Author: Daemeon
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(Added on Dec 10, 2005)
(This month 92634 readers) (Total 158295 readers) |
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A girl is used as a toy for the piercing festishes of some of the rich and famous. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 13 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
La Toya
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 24, 2006 |
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some what of a good start. I will wait for the next chapter before I raise my rating
March 24 2006
Raised rating to 8 (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Sklaventreiber
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 24, 2006 |
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I can't wait for more chapters... (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
nikita
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 10, 2006 |
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There is no substitue for a good story and 'real' characters, and this story has both. The technical mechanics get in the way and can be improved on with editing, but, good story telling can't be taught.
I upgraded my initial score of 8 to 9. WTG (9/10)
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- Replied by:
nikita
(Edit) (Mar 10, 2006)
- I read your most recent addition and upgraded my review score for you. My, my...what an improvement. Not that it's like night and day, but, more polished. Plus, the opening paragraph grabs by the balls. Keep it up...<grin>
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| Reviewer:
H Dean
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 10, 2006 |
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An enjoyable and rather erotic story notion. However, the execution is stiff and error laden. A proof reader would improve this story dramatically. I suggest holding the tale a bit longer before publishing it so that you might go over it when it is not so fresh. I see errors similar to my own if I do not hold my own stories for awhile.
**Edit - the story telling has improved a bit from the first chapter. However, I still feel as if there is something missing from this story - maybe it needs more descriptions of the girl's fears and emotions. At any rate, I raise my review rating from a 5 to a 7. It's definately gotten better than the first installment and I am looking forward to the remainder of the tale. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Dododecapod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 8, 2006 |
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Good start. I love a good background to a character, and Crystal has just that.
You do need to strive for a little more emotion in your work; at the moment it's a little too "this happened, then this happened, then this happened" drone. A wider variety of descriptors would help greatly.
I'm only going to give a preliminary rating; I'll review again once you get into the meat of the story.
I'm glad I came back. Parts two and three were much better; your writing has tightened up, and the action's really starting to sizzle. The next few parts could be very entertaining! (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
Dick the Slaver
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 31, 2006 |
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Your story had a slow start but it was worth the wait. Please post more chapters soon. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Diddl2003
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 22, 2006 |
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It's an super storie, it's a pitty that it takes so long till the next chapter is coming (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
eeven
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 1, 2006 |
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A good start. I look forward to her torment. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
readyben
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 30, 2005 |
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The writing's pretty good, but it moves pretty slowly... (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Mad Lews
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 19, 2005 |
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A great concept and improving delivery. The subject matter is interesting enough to carry the story though as Mr Dean states a lot of the minor errors could be picked up with a proof reader. 4 eyes see more than two. Check in the forums there are people willing to help. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
craz
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 16, 2005 |
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It has a good beginning..but the writing could be improved further. Can't wait to see the next instalment. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
DarkDesires2376
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 12, 2005 |
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A great start, would love to see where this story goes. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 11, 2005 |
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A fine start to what promises to be an interesting story. Curious to find where you go from here. (8/10)
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