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The Neighbor
Author: Mark
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(Added on Feb 8, 2006)
(This month 53027 readers) (Total 70096 readers) |
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A pregnant and seperated Latino mother visits her neighbor to use the phone. The neighbor has other ideals |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (5.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (7/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
sheilagirl
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 9, 2006 |
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I thought the story moved along at a good pace. I usually am bothered by poor sentence structure and hard to read material even if the subject matter is good. I didn't notice the things the others mentioned and therefore have no criticism there. I liked the realism and plot. It was frightening enough to get a gut reaction from me so I rated it fairly high. I do hope we see more from this author in the future. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 9, 2006 |
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If you choose to make it a mystery, you might want to watch some of those forensics shows. Remember DNA testing? Your character needs a condom, at least.
I'll not recap the other reviewers' facts; simply that you might wish to spend more time reviewing your own story, and perhaps get an editor to help. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 8, 2006 |
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you badly need consistancy in your story as the previous reviewer said do not go back and forth you loose he reader (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
Dododecapod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 8, 2006 |
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This is a case of getting the good with the bad. The bad: you really need to work on your tenses. You move from present to past with impunity, fail to use appropriate plurals and pluralize what need not be, and some of your word choices seem more than a little inappropriate. You also need to work harder on your grammar and punctuation.
On to the good: you have style, a reasonable sense of story construction, and some great ideas. Everything you did wrong can be corrected with a little work and patience, but what you have already is actually much harder to develop. I would recommend a slightly slower pace, however.
I enjoyed this, and would like to see you do more. (5/10)
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