|
|
|
|
|
The Torture Club
Author: stHell66
|
| |
(Added on Apr 25, 2006)
(This month 84967 readers) (Total 114703 readers) |
| |
A brother takes her slave sister to a bdsm club |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
| 0% |
0% |
50% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
50% |
0% |
0% |
|
Weighed
Average (?):  (5.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (5.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (3/10) |
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Kira
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 17, 2007 |
| |
Interesting fantasy, but need more development in the story. Better description with more details would be better too. But continue maybe the next part will be better. (8/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
La Toya
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 28, 2006 |
| |
While the outline was a good one, the writing style need work. Better then the last time. (3/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 25, 2006 |
| |
It is a very good thing you got help on the story; without looking at the actual writing (considering the theme and the story events).
Then we come to the actual writing. "tapping my cum leak rod over her fuck face" is not any form of English. You need one more helper: someone to edit the writing you have done into a semblance of sentence formations. To check for spell-check wrong words. "She browed to the audience". Well, no she didn't. She bowed; bent at the waist, in other words. A "brow" is the part of the human face above the eyes, just below the forehead.
It's better than your last attempt, and truly has some interesting story pieces here and there. But one more helper would do the job. (3/10)
|
|
|
About 