|
|
|
|
|
Mary\'s Plea
Author: Matthew1
|
| |
(Added on Jul 24, 2006)
(This month 50107 readers) (Total 65873 readers) |
| |
A young girl is kidnapped and held by a violent master. This is my 1st story and I plan on updating so give me comments and suggestions. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 5 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
| 0% |
0% |
20% |
20% |
60% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
|
Weighed
Average (?):  (4.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (4.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (5/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (3/10) |
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
YamiNoHikari
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 26, 2006 |
| |
OK, same with others. No real phone number, the owner might get angry, and do spell checking. For the story, it's the start anyway, as long as no 'snuff' thing, I'll keep on reading. Just send me a mail when you update your work. I'll be waiting (5/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
jip
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 26, 2006 |
| |
I put the whole story with a copy/paste in Word and used both UK English and US English.(can make a significant difference). It showed a few sentence structures, but not really type errors or spelling problems. Of course the example of waist and waste will not be picked up.
The story is not bad in itself. It can be improved, but any story written here can be! When you are a newcomer, you always are hit!
I go along with the comments of kleintje15
(5/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
Curtis
(Edit) (Jul 26, 2006)
- Uhm, I wasn't hit when I posted my first story. The reviews weren't raves, but every one had some legitimate criticism in it. I kept a file of the suggestions, and someday I hope to repost the thing with corrections. You sound like you wrote this story under the name Matthew. If true, that would be sad.
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
kleintje15
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 25, 2006 |
| |
Oke its no George Orwell but give the guy a break people. Its not my kinda story but for a first try not bad. Its a bid to much in the beginning (5/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 25, 2006 |
| |
needs spell check, needs reality, needs alot of work, if i listed everything that needed to be done, the review may end up longer then your story (4/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 25, 2006 |
| |
Gads, Matthew, where to begin?
FIRST of all, get an editor... or plan to spend a lot of time studying English. Lots of problems there, sir. Some may be "spell-checker errors", but some are just silly. Or laziness.
The place your belt goes around is your waist, not waste. NEVER use a potentially real phone number; the exchange used in media is always (area) 555 XXXX. Any 555 gets you to information, and is never a private number. People get angry! Dozens more, like the proper spelling of the flower a guy gets at a formal dance. And did her dress really have diamonds on it? It would cost tens of thousands of dollars!
I could go on and on, sir. (is there such a thing as a "Normal torture chamber"? What would be in an abnormal one? And why would anyone be 'surprised' that she is not a slut? Are most 14 year old girls sluts?) Ask for help; lots of folks willing to do just that.
Good luck! (3/10)
|
|
|
About 