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z to Wendi to mine
Author: fotodom
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(Added on Nov 2, 2006)
(This month 8664 readers) (Total 16383 readers) |
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I meet a couple with a stunning brunnette, a Dana Delaney double, ask me to play. She gets more than she bargains for, and I end up replacing him in her life. ;> |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (4.5/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (5/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
fyre
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 21, 2007 |
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short with some difficulty in flow. A little jarring. (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 3, 2006 |
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The most important comment I might have for you is "slow DOWN". This is supposed to be something enjoyable, something one would take their time over, like a good glass of port or a fine cigar. The story fragment is written as though the desk below the computer were on fire and one was in a rush to finish it.
I think when you accomplish that, the rest of the concerns with time compression and skipped details will fall into place. (5/10)
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