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The Wasps
Author: Book of Evils
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(Added on Nov 15, 2006)
(This month 86497 readers) (Total 119128 readers) |
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She\'d always had an irrational fear of wasps. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 6 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (6.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 5, 2006 |
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Way too many wrong words, mismatched noun/verb pairs, sentence fragments to make it an enjoyable read. Sounds (as another reviewer commented) as though it were written by a 13 year old, not an adult.
The story could have been done better, with just a quick run of the spell/grammar on your word processor. That really does detract, and makes readers not finish the story. (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
H Dean
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 5, 2006 |
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First of all, the review rating is not necessarily accurate in this particular case. I found the writing skills of this author to be more than acceptable. The entire reason I gave this story a six and not higher is because of the voice. The voice sounded somewhat immature to me and it kept me from fully enjoying the story.
I wish to note that it appeared that it was the intention of the author to tell the story in a slightly immature/stream of conciousness manner - as if the voice were a man talking to his buddies. In this regard, and in regards to the rather interesting tortures, the story was most successful. I think, in this story's case, it is a matter of tastes. This story's voice was definately not suited to my own tastes. (6/10)
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- Replied by:
Book of Evils
(Edit) (Dec 7, 2006)
Hello H Dean:
I gave a bit more consideration to my first reply and added to it some.
Thanks for the thoughtful and insightful analysis of my effort. I believe what I'm attempting to achieve, perhaps at some subconscious level, is to accentuate the differences between the stark horror of such miserable abuses as opposed to such a flippant, soul-less attitude to committing them. It's no more significant to the perpetrator than pilfering, devouring and disposing of a bag of candy while, of course, to the victim it represents absolutely everything in her existence. It would be this total disrespect for human dignity and convention which would make my villain such a dangerous and untenable entity and from what we see in every day life, such persons do exist.
I suppose the other area of my focus is believability, in that this could really be happening to-day or have happened recently etc. My harshest critic, has a bunch of goofy pirates all running around in heat after a captured French woman. To each his own, but what possible relevance does that bear to shoving the prick of fear into the woman on the bus or in the next apartment or the unsuspecting power bitch?
Then too there is my other intent. It is not that the readers visualize what the author is doing to the hapless victims, but that they substitute themselves and visualize themselves as the perpetrators. For this to succeed, the text must be read slowly, like digested before moving on to the next slightly incremental level of abuse until it all becomes beyond extreme, to use my own words, 'insanity run amok'. Sounds good in theory, I suppose, but may be harder to achieve as a writer. And too, some just may not want to transform themselves into the monster, to visualize themselves as the doer, but then too, given the nature of this site, a good many do, and the numerous private emails I've received are a testament to this which is also somewhat unsettling. This work, all my work, is fiction and my apologies to those women who are sufficiently disturbed they feel it's a factual account and not horrid make believe. Best advice, put me on ignore.
Anyhow, the whole exercise is meant to entertain, and perhaps, my next story, Extremities (the movie) starring Farrah Fawcett with a considerably revised plot will be more to your tastes (or not).
Regards
BofE- Replied by:
H Dean
(Edit) (Dec 8, 2006)
- It is undortunate that you have received negative e-mails for your tale. I cannot imagine why anyone would mistake a work of fiction for reality. You are correct, "entertainment" is the word of the day for this site. Further, I think that your notion of drawing the reader into the tale is quite proper. I think that every author should do this. I believe we agree in virtually every fascet regarding the craft of story telling.
Please take note that my review was not based on silly things like "it was too extreme" or "You were too cruel". My review was based, almost entirely on the voice, which kept me from being pulled into the story. I did take note of the technical deficiencies, which were/are apparently a format conversion problem. They did affectt he review, as well, as they were most unsettling to the story flow. However, it was and will remain the voice which kept me from properly enjoying this story. I do realize that your extended comments were not just for me, but I thought it prudent and proper to point out that it was not content but delivery of content that I had difficulties with. Again, this is a matter of personal tastes, but it is appropriate.
- Replied by:
Book of Evils
(Edit) (Dec 9, 2006)
- Hello again:
Thanks for taking the time to respond to my response. If you could, please point out whatever technical deficiencies you are able to find, or at least a few of them. I realize there are a few typos I failed to catch, which my spell checking program didn't correct either, since they were still words (not just the ones I intended) but in order to improve my presentation, I'd appreciate knowing the other short comings.
Much appreciated.
Regards
BofE
- Replied by:
H Dean
(Edit) (Dec 13, 2006)
- Actually, I don't recall the misplaced words, nor did it affect my review, really. You might wish to ask those who paid closer attention to those details. Frankly, I can't even remember there being misplaced words.
My gripe was that the main character's voice seemed far too immature. It was this that turned the story to something less than I had hoped. As you said, it was your intent (at least to a degree). It just didn't work for me and made the story somewhat tedious to read.
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| Reviewer:
milly_mooe
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 16, 2006 |
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Excellent Chapter 1.
Intensely erotic, perhaps a little long winded, but MUST read Chapter 2 !!!
milly_mooe (8/10)
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- Replied by:
Book of Evils
(Edit) (Nov 17, 2006)
- Hello milly mooe:
Thanks for the four star rating.
Hopefully the 'long winded'ness, makes for long suffering victims and not long suffering readers.
Stating the obvious, Chapter Two will be a blast.
Thanks again.
BofE
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| Reviewer:
Mothbrad
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 15, 2006 |
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Probably the best of your stories so far - ingenious tortures and nice descriptions of both the state of mind of the villain, and the victim. Please keep them coming. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
Book of Evils
(Edit) (Nov 17, 2006)
- Hi Mothbrad:
Me again.
Thanks for the support and rating. I'm finding, from some of the private emails I'm getting, certain parties either hate all my efforts, (one's even convinced I'm the real deal, a serial killer who gets off posting his exploits on this site (which I can assure all that I'm not) BUT it is somewhat of a testament to the success of the realism I am seeking to portray in my works. Others absolutely love (even adore) the over the top insanity and I have to pass on all direct email contact with said persons. For me, it's a form of creative writing, no matter how degenerate or reprehensible it may viewed by some, and conversely, appreciated by others.
Anyhow, have about two hundred pages of finished text comprising five different stories beyond what's already been posted so there's lots more to come over the weeks.
Thanks again for the stars.
Regards
BofE
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| Reviewer:
schoolboylv
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 15, 2006 |
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Well written and very descriptive, but too extreme for my liking. (7/10)
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- Replied by:
Book of Evils
(Edit) (Nov 17, 2006)
- Hello schoolboylv:
Thanks for the rating.
I believe that's the purpose of the ratings at the beginning, to advise readers what to expect. Although, that's ever the dilemma, it's all subjective, so there's extreme and there's EXTREEEEME. And I could not agree more, all of my stories are so, drawn out in capital letters, so you know what to expect when you see s submission from 'Book of Evils'.
Thanks again for taking the time to rate my tale (of woe).
Regards
BofE
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 15, 2006 |
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the story has very strange paragraph layout, not sure if that was intenend or if it was posted like this in error (6/10)
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- Replied by:
Book of Evils
(Edit) (Nov 17, 2006)
- Hello mkemse:
Thanks for the rating and taking the time to reply. The only thing I can see from the page format is that the paragraph indents are a little far in to the right which was not intentional. Otherwise, I believe the format is standard book/novel layout. Please advise if you have any further suggestions.
Regards.
BofE
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