|
|
|
|
|
Kelly, slave
Author: Macreborn
|
| |
(Added on May 8, 2007)
(This month 57293 readers) (Total 75326 readers) |
| |
Kelly's story. Torture, rape, humiliation – written in first person to add a bit of psychology. Hope you enjoy it. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 6 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
| 0% |
17% |
0% |
17% |
50% |
0% |
17% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
|
Weighed
Average (?):  (5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (7/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (2/10) |
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 13, 2007 |
| |
asthe otherreview indicated not fond of 1st person stories, but the story was enjoyable to read and i hope you ost more (5/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Guiller
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 12, 2007 |
| |
Seems interesting, waiting for more chapters (5/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 10, 2007 |
| |
I hate to grade anything this low, but stories written in the first person do not add a bit of psychology, they are only a dull and awkward story. Not that you stay in the first person--you are all over the place! You write completely in the passive voice .... for example, that first sentence would have come over better if you had used something like "She felt the wind on her cheek as the door flew open."
Give some background on your characters, change your voice, and get rid of the passive voice and I will be happy to raise my score to a much higher one. (2/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Snark
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 10, 2007 |
| |
Assuming that this is the first chapter of more to come, it's interesting. More psychological pain than physical pain described (aside from the stun gun!) But decently presented. In contrast to the other reviewers, I found few grammatical problems and no glaring editing issues. The rating is based upon what has been presented so far. If it continues and provides details the rating could go higher. Otherwise it's an incomplete snapshot. Let's see a few more chapters. (7/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
La Toya
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 9, 2007 |
| |
Not too much to rate. (5/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 9, 2007 |
| |
Not much there to rate. Switches from first person and back in and out. Grammatical errors all over the place.
Hope future chapters have more of interest in them; there are too many unanswered questions. (4/10)
|
|
|
About 