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Eco Friendly
Author: Rubberwolf
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(Added on Aug 19, 2007)
(This month 12603 readers) (Total 34321 readers) |
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Jelousy turns messy as two friends fight over the same man |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (6/10) |
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 7, 2010 |
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A bit of a sloppy write this is. Too many sentences which have been altered but parts of the original content got left behind. A lot of run on sentences, which are so long that the author forgot what he already wrote and put the same info in it twice, or parts of sentences are repeated...
Then there's little 'forgettings', like, first painting a picture of a kitchen that looks like a warzone, but still being able to find a clean percolator, make coffee, find a clean and empty cup, milk and a clean spoon, pour the coffee and hand it to Jane before the latter can even sit down and take off her coat? Sure.
And right after the cup off coffee is handed over to jane, the girls switch names too. Just for one line though, but still the error's there.
Next to that, there's far too many spelling errors as well. The kind that are a nuisance, especially in those overlong sentences with the other errors in them.
Like I said, sloppy writing.
In fact, the nice idea behind "Eco Friendly"goes pear-shaped as well, right from the moment Rita 'drags' Jane to the kitchen and says "get undressed, bitch!".
Besides again having me wonder about the state the Bishop's place was in (again in regard with the earlier descriptions Rubberwolf gave us of the messy surroundings), this is an unbelievable vocal turn of events.
Too many conveniences, thought up by the author, but which are totally unrealistic. especially considering the life-long friendship between the lasses.
The tone of the ordering around and the giving-in to it comes across as way too immature as well, befitting some 12 to 14-year olds, but not grown women aged 23.
Nice try, but a total miss, I'm afraid...
JJ (6/10)
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- Replied by:
Rubberwolf
(Edit) (Oct 14, 2010)
- A bit of an overcomplicated review. Nice try, but it reads like a 12 - 14 year old who takes themselves too seriously. Happy reading.
- Replied by:
JimmyJump
(Edit) (Dec 4, 2010)
- A tad touchy then, aren't we? Granted, I can take down a story when I set my mind to it (which I didn't do here) but I (almost) never have a go at an author him-/herself.
You on the other hand, are having a go at my frail poor self. See if I care. Well, just enough to respond, mind. The reaction says of course more about you than my 'review' does say about me...
Oh, and it should be "takes HIMSELF too seriously". Just for gramatikl's sake.
Ciao.
JJ
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| Reviewer:
bmtphoenix
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 23, 2007 |
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I liked that one! -1 for the grammatical errors all over the place. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Rubberwolf
(Edit) (Oct 14, 2010)
- Wut gramatikl errorrs????
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