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My New Slaves
Author: Barefootslave
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(Added on Jan 14, 2009)
(This month 52774 readers) (Total 73359 readers) |
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This story is about a guy who kidnapps 3 teenage girls, torutres them in his basement, and forces them to become his slaves forever. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 7 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (3.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (3.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (5/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (1/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Tleanne5664
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 28, 2009 |
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Such a promising premise. But needs some work on paragraph format. submit your paper to someone for editing that might help. (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
sgte5
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 26, 2009 |
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This would be a good story IF the author would learn to use paragraph breaks. It's too hard to read with with big blocks of text going on and on. Every new idea, every new scene, every new thought, and every new spoken dialogue should be a new paragraph. I hope the author revises this to make it more readable.
(5/10)
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 23, 2009 |
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I have to agree with my fellow reviewers here.
Yes, the story has lots of grammatical errors.
Yes, the story rings rather naïve, childlike even.
Yes, there's spelling errors...
On the other hand, there's a storyline here, albeit a seemingly plotless one. A storyline without a plot, other than getting to torture a couple of girls, can lead to some interesting read. But only when the writer is skilled enough.
Obviously, Barefootslave is not that skilled writer. As such, the story does not arise above mediocrity.
Then again, Barefootslave doesn't seem to be completely void of talent, so i suggest that he/she sits down, ponders over a nice plot, with a beginning, middle and ending and amazes us with a decent tale.
Because "My New Slaves" is something that has been started in the spur of the moment, without really thinking out a real storyline. At least, that's how I see things.
JJ
JJ (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
Sally-Oh
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 22, 2009 |
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this is pretty lame. child like too. nailing breasts to the furniture...wtf? (1/10)
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| Reviewer:
Dr_BuzzCzar
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 21, 2009 |
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Grammar is atrocious. (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 19, 2009 |
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needs a story line and better grammar (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
pet2pleazu
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 19, 2009 |
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Hard to tell if story was thought out, couldn't get past the grammer. (3/10)
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