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FREEDOM: Deception
Author: Razor7826
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(Added on Jan 28, 2009)
(This month 54088 readers) (Total 62665 readers) |
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A truly free society grants people full control over their own lives, no matter how horrible their decisions may seem. In a world of contractual slavery, what sacrifices would people make for the sake of their loved ones? Would they grow to regret their selfless deeds? |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 3 |
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33% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8/10) |
Average
Rating:  (9/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (8/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Dryhill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 12, 2011 |
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I like the twist at the end, especially the daughter getting to use her mother.
The only thing I can see wrong with the plot is the point that the daughter was not a drug addict, would the "drying out farm" not have noticed that fact (no injection marks etc)? Therefore surely it would have become clear that she had been tricked into signing herself into slavery. But hey I am not going to let a small point like that spoil a good story.
I look forward to reading your other stories.
(8/10)
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| Reviewer:
littleone_
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 11, 2010 |
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awsome and an exciting sequeal to the prvious FEMDOM story. I can barely wait for the next chaper! Thanks Razor, Sir, for such a wonderful and entertaning story.
(10/10)
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- Replied by:
Razor 7826
(Edit) (Mar 11, 2010)
- Thank you for your feedback.
I'm not sure whether I will continue writing for the Library due to all of the technical problems that have plagued the site (the email link doesn't work, titles for previous stories are messed up, among others), but I appreciate the feedback.
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 17, 2009 |
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Story feels like it was lifted from something bigger, due to lack in background information. It's like watching a 12 episode TV-series having missed the first three episodes. You can still follow what's going on, but something's missing.
Writing is good tho, as is the idea.
Also, Richard comes across as too immature to take on the responsability of 'caring' for Juliette.
The main issue with these kind of stories, is that the author doesn't build-up the story, but rather starts in the thick of the action. Which leaves no other option than keep going at the same level for a while, at the risk of becoming repetitive, or upping the ante and running out of options in no time.
There's of course the possibility to write in flashbacks, jumping between how things came to be and the present where most of the action takes place.
Decent effort, no question about it.
JJ (8/10)
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- Replied by:
Razor7826
(Edit) (Feb 12, 2009)
- Thank you for leaving a review!
When you say the story is lacking in background material, do you mean the situations that allowed for the government recognized slavery contracts, or are you referring to the specific plight of Juliette and her enslaved daughter?
If the prior, this is part of my 'FREEDOM' series, of which one other story has been posted (and will be expanded in the future.) I can go back and add a bit more information to the opening of the story.
If the problem is the latter, I can't really go back much further without revealing the story's twist. I could go back to when she first found out her daughter had signed a slavery contract, but then that would feel too similar to one of my other stories, 'A Tape'.
I'm interested in hearing more of your feedback, either on this or my other works.
- Replied by:
JimmyJump
(Edit) (Feb 12, 2009)
- Aw... I must admit I didn't go to your stories page before (I just did now), so, it seems I'll have to go through a couple of your other stories first. And change my review and appreciation accordingly.
At least, I was right that "Deception" felt like a part of something bigger.
I came across some of your stories as they were posted or while sifting through other people's reviews. Added you to my bookmarks and will get back asap.
Apologies for not checking up on all your writings sooner...
JJ
- Replied by:
JimmyJump
(Edit) (Feb 17, 2009)
- Added a point to the rating, as, thanks to previous installments, the set-up of the story makes sense. My fault for not having read things in the right chronology...
JJ
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