|
|
|
|
|
Trials of a Slave Girl
Author: Miles Landing
|
| |
(Added on Apr 5, 2010)
(This month 63511 readers) (Total 91308 readers) |
| |
Fuckmeat is a newly captured slavegirl in a strange underworld. Her master has complete control over her every action and uses his power to abuse her mind and body |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
| 0% |
0% |
0% |
50% |
0% |
0% |
50% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
|
Weighed
Average (?):  (5.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (5.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (7/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
masterdw
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 19, 2010 |
| |
It is too short for a better rating and it does need better editing. OTOH the set up is good for continuation. My particular fantasy is total control. You might have fuckmeat be trained to breathe according to a metronome or the masters clapping of hands. You really must continue. (7/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Dryhill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 18, 2010 |
| |
Congratulations, you have just earnt the lowest rating i have ever given. i wanted to give this story a rating of three, but that is supposed to indicate that even the spelling and grammar are poor. Luckily they re not to bad.
This type of story has been done to death, there is no chaeacterization, there is no middle or end. If this is just the start of a multi chapter story then i might be able to give it a higher rating when other chapters are available, but until then a reluctant 4 is all you are getting from me. (4/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
zenoida
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 17, 2010 |
| |
This story has potential, but it really isn't a whole story. There are a lot of errors, but none that really disturbed the reading of the story. I really hope there'll be a sequel, otherwise, it is a little lame. However, that sequel has real potential :) (4/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 17, 2010 |
| |
It's almost tough to review this story because of the simple fact that its so short that there practically ISN'T a plot. Or if you can call "slavegirl gets captured and sold and processed, crammed into 14kb of type" a plot, then its a very old and tired plot. That said, the author does a pretty good job with it. His writing isn't bad. Unfortunately it spotted with errors. The word "past" being used for "passed", missing words, odd sentence structure here and there. What this author needs is a good editor. But hey, we all do right? That said I loved a few of the moments in the story. "Want me to bag it?" was absolutely precious. I had issues with the slaver being rude to his customer's receptionist, (customer service being a cardinal rule) but then I decided that a sex slaver would probably have negative feelings for ALL women, regardless of their position, and especially for women in menial positions. So all cool there. The author did a good job describing scenes, which was fantastic. Often you find authors focusing on action and dialog only and forget that you have to build a set and costume the characters. Okay...the 34D descriptor was in poor taste. I realize that the author REALLY wanted us to know her bust size, but describing women with their actual sizes is um...a demonstration of poor descriptive capabilities. You need to find a way to describe her bust size without just relating it. For example..."the guard grabbed her, ripping her bra from her body, destroying the straps. He looked at the tag and laughed, "34D? I knew you were a big titted cow!" See? Its best just to describe her tits in metaphor: "Her large breasts were perfect, filling the hand and overflowing, so that they bounced with every pothole hit by the moving truck." See? I've got an idea about how big her breasts were. *** Okay, last but not least this story was way to short. You got me hard right around the last two or three paragraphs and then I had no place to go. Write the next part, and quick, and ADD it to this one. So keep writing! (7/10)
|
|
|
About 