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Callum and Andy: New master, new slave
Author: Chris Born
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(Added on Feb 20, 2011)
(This month 49892 readers) (Total 53781 readers) |
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A sequel to Callum and Adam torment Lily, an attempt at making a BDSM story with no nudity or overtly sexual content. The sadomasochistic teens painfully initiate a new member into their group and together the three punish their victim. |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (7/10) |
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Rating: (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 23, 2011 |
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This is the second Callum and Andy story I have read and to be honest it didn't quite carry the same punch the first one did.
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As before, the author, Chris Born does a pretty good job with the language. Sentence construction was decent, but didn't have a whole lot of depth or complexity. I would advise adding a lot more compound sentences which would add some needed depth.
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Unlike the first Callum and Andy story, this latest return to their world was not as well planned. While the first C&A story was this incredible brilliant exploration, "New Master, New Slave" bordered on the line between ludicrous and repetitive.
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First of all, the torment applied to Abagail as "initiation" was just as well done as the torments applied in the first C&A story. However we didn't see any growth or expansion in Andy and Callum's torture desires. While I suppose this might be because the author LIKES what's happening, and has no intention to change it, I was hoping for some deeper, more erotic, torments to start creeping their way into the tale. This sort of happens with the second torture, with Liz and I thought the whole nipple clamp scene particularly nice, but again, things didn't progress very far. Andy and Callum are still just little sadists who lack the testosterone to do any serious fucking.
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Which also makes me wonder about the behavior of Callum at the very beginning. Embarrassment and being at a loss for words seemed very out of character for someone who considers himself a dom. I suppose it was just teenage insecurity, especially around girls, but it just seemed incongruous.
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The main issue however was the lure in which Abagail, Callum, and Andy use to bring Liz into their clutches. Not only is their method of persuading Liz to submit to the torture more than laughable, but their "escape clause" of "no one believes anything you say" taunt to Liz as she is led from the dungeon basement limping is quite impractical. From the first C&A story, I got the impression that these two guys were pretty smart. Why the sudden drop in IQ?
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Too be honest, I'm pretty disappointed in the second round of Callum and Andy. The author, Chris Born has proven himself to be someone who can craft a pretty incredible tale (I gave the first one a nine, which I don't do very often). I just feel like this sequel wasn't well thought out and Mr. Born just took the first idea that popped into his head and wrote it down without ever really LOOKING at it from a realistic perspective.
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That said, I'm not ready to give up on Callum and Andy. These two sadistic boys are incredible characters that could grow into the various facets of BDSM with creative grace and riveting adventure. The addition of Abagail, who will no doubt want to come back and play again (if not as a sub, then certainly as a domme) is a welcome enhancement. And while I hope that blackmail or at least random kidnappings and blindfolds are the methods used to procure new girls to hurt, all I can say is I hope the boys are smarter than they were tonight.
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Yours Faithfully, Michael Alexander
(www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (7/10)
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- Replied by:
ChrisBorn
(Edit) (Feb 23, 2011)
- May I first thank you for your review of my first story which I greatly appreciated. I am disappointed to hear this instalment did not live up to your expectations, however again I appreciate you taking the time to give me some well thought out advice.
Starting with everything excluding the torture scenes, in particular the premise of the story including the part in the school, I agree that I did not think this part out well. To be honest it was almost an afterthought and it shows. I am not an experienced writer and have not written at all outside of erotic fiction so these sections called on writing skills I am still developing. All I can say is I ask my readers to take a slight leap of faith. I will continue to work, on this series and beyond, on making my stories more believable, have more consistent characters and generally give more thought to the more traditional parts of my writing.
As for the sections about the sadism itself I agree that I didn't break much ground here. I can tell you whilst writing this story I found myself often stuck for ideas. Having said that I have perhaps a slightly narrow view on what BDSM activities I find exciting and, despite being glad to hear that others are enjoying my work, I do in many ways write for myself. Having said that I can promise you that the content of this series will be getting increasingly sexual and have few cards up my sleeve. I hope when the heat does get turned up the wait will make it all the more exciting for people following the series.
I am currently rewriting the next part with your feedback in mind.
- Replied by:
Michael247
(Edit) (Feb 24, 2011)
- Mr. Born,
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I'm glad that my reviews have been helpful to you. As a long time poster on the BDSM Library I have often wished that one of the more experienced writers would have smacked me on the head a few times and gave me some helpful advice. Trust me, you are WAY farther along than I was when I first started posting stories.
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I understand how hard it is to find fresh concepts and material to work with. Fortunately for erotica writers, the internet is a fantastic source as long as you've got some privacy and you don't do it at work! I would recommend you do some reading and browsing, starting off in the areas you personally find erotic, then try to work some of those concepts in. Follow some blogs that either handle erotic BDSM fiction (like mine: www.michaelalexanderstories.blogspot.com) or aim for some photographic inspiration. Once, while planning out a ridiculous story called "Sex 101" (which I have only written portions), I developed a syllabus by going to Tiava.com and just writing down every single category of sexual fetish they have pictures of, eliminated the ones I found personally distasteful, and then wrote "the student will..." sections on each category. If I ever get around to writing it, it will be a serial story with one short episode per "lesson". Ah... the trouble. So ideas are out there, you just need to grab them. And with your talent at writing, you'll be able to adjust them to your style and make them seem fresh and amazing.
*
I look forward to reading about what comes next.
Yours Faithfully, Michael Alexander
(www.michaelalexanderstories.com)
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