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| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 3 |
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33% |
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33% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6/10) |
| Average
Rating: (6/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (7/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 22, 2011 |
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I'm going to disagree with my fellow reviewers just a tad bit. But that's actually not that odd, is it?
*
First of all, let me say that I think the plot is definitely unique. Usually it's the daughter who is kidnapped, raped, and tortured, while in this story the reverse is true. That says something about the author's creativity. And while I'm no pedophile, the use of the eight year old daughter as a means to coerce the mother (and I presume later the father) into the behavior desired by the kidnappers, is just absolutely marvelous. What parent WOULDN'T do what they wanted? This has so many different ways it can go too!
*
I suspect this is a serial story. If it is, then this first "episode" was decent from a plot perspective. Granted, it didn't really handle the WHY, but it sure handled the WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, and HOW just fine. I'm not a fan of serials, since I read so much fiction I generally don't remember what happened in part one by the time part two is written and I HATE rereading parts. So we'll see.
*
As my fellow reviewers mentioned, there is some grammatical work that needs doing. First of all, the author needs to use quotation marks. This is standard English and it makes it difficult to tell when some one is speaking. Even more difficult is the fact that the narrator (different from the author) is ALSO speaking.. the whole thing! So it makes it imperative to delineate the difference between speech and the retelling of the story. But that is really the only grammatical problem that I noticed.
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The tension build on this story was pretty good too. Think of it this way. For some readers the slow humiliation of the mother is the main dish. For others, it is the expectation of... whatever... being done to the daughter. While I personally don't find child sex (much less rape and torture) to be that appealing (I would have much preferred the daughter be sixteen or seventeen!), I recognize that the young age of the girl makes this even more horrific. I can't help wondering if that email will show Mom her daughters bare and blistered ass, or whether it will just show the daughter clutching her butt after getting spanked through her shorts? See what I mean?
*
All in all I think this was a pretty good tale and I would have given it a higher rating had the formatting been done properly. So now the author knows what he needs to work on. We'll see where things go from here.
*
Yours Faithfully, Michael Alexander
(www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
StrictMasterD
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 18, 2011 |
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why bring an 8 year old into it, the nstory was ok, needs work buti do hope you conitnue with it (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
PieterM
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 16, 2011 |
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Real nasty plot ugy draggin g a 8 year old in but the real problem is terrible grammer, what about speech marks, you cant tell whos speaking half the time, (5/10)
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- Replied by:
Marsdefender
(Edit) (Mar 18, 2011)
- Nice start, want more
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