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The third year
Author: Zenoida
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(Added on Apr 26, 2011)
(This month 51219 readers) (Total 53027 readers) |
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A short story about a pretty cruel discipline session of a husband towards his wayward wife. It leans a little towards a romantic D/D kind of story, but maybe more a rape story in the end? Just a little daydream from a soon to be "desperate housewife". Comments are very welcome |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 3 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (6/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Alix
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 2, 2011 |
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Nice story, thanks. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Thon
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 8, 2011 |
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I did enjoy the story. And I'm not all that keen on spanking...
It was the framing of this short, butt sizzling, story I liked. The husband biding his time until it was right, and then the setting of new rules, followed a very harsh punishment to underline them. I would've like to see a little more of her struggling with the new rules. For me it was over far too soon, but then again I was primarily interested in the relationship these acts lead into and not so interested in the actual acts.
Although I concur with MA about the implausibility of the punishment [in real life], I do not feel that every story has to depict reality - this is after all website of fantasy and imagination. Sometimes the writer(s) feel the need to go to the extreme in order to fulfill a fantasy or simply emphasize that episode. And that should be their prerogative. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 4, 2011 |
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Wow, I'm not sure about this girl. She seems to be a pushover.
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Okay, first of all, I want to mention this story ALMOST got a seven from me. I really agonized over it. The big clincher though was the formatting. The story was very tough to read. The real problem comes from the fact that webpages read "TAB" very differently than MS Word. As a result, every time you hit "tab" in classic writing format, it doesn't translate when you submit to a site like the BDSM Library. I recommend from now on hitting ENTER every time you would have hit tab for an indent. Just don't bother indenting. Trust me. This will make your story more visually appealing and easier to read. It makes a difference because readers no longer have to sit there and really concentrate on converting your writing into something they can handle, instead they just read it. It's why formatting is so important.
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Grammatically the story was well written. Lots of complex sentences that improved depth and complexity, proper punctuation even in quotations, and while there were a few sentences that bordered on run-ons, it wasn't bad.
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What I really liked was the plot. Basically the unidentified woman (otherwise known as "she") is suddenly subjected to a rather dramatic switch in her husbands behavior. The story, while told in third person, doesn't explain why the husband has suddenly decided to subjugate his wife and enforce some particular edicts upon her. There is also a great deal of emotional content about how "She" feels about what he is doing to her. In fact, the emotional content goes on almost too long, since I found myself wanting to skip ahead to see if "He" was all fluff or whether he was going to punish her or something.
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I liked the spanking scene, though as someone who has actually spanked a woman, the number of strokes poor "She" took, especially with the slipper after the hand spanking, would never have happened. There are limits you can do, and if "He" actually spanked her with his hand hard enough to turn her bottom scarlet and leave bruises, "She" would never have been able to physically tolerate the slipper, much less the spatula later. That said, I absolutely LOVED the next scene where "She" is placed on the dining room table and whipped with a belt between the legs. Talk about sexually awesome, tense, and appealing. The "consequences" of closing her legs showed just how evil her husband is, since he KNEW that she'd never be able to keep her legs open and was just giving that as an excuse to mentally fuck with her and give her hope, all the while knowing he was going to whip her more. I was a little disappointed she didn't take at least SOME of those consequence strokes on her clit or breasts.
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The final anal sex scene was well written and nicely descriptive. I liked it, though I felt that the spatula whipping was a weak resolution, especially when the story had done so well up to that point. It was almost an afterthought, or a method of the author to tie up a loose end.
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All in all, this was a decent tale and would have rated better had I not had to put so much mental attention into the actual reading. I think Zenoida's strengths are both the emotional content of her characters, as well as the diabolical action of the story. It will be interesting to see if this story carries on.
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Yours Faithfully, Michael Alexander
(www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (6/10)
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- Replied by:
zenoida
(Edit) (May 9, 2011)
- Thank you so mucn for this review, it was so thorough and constructive, I really think I'll be a better writer by it!
It is true that I did want to just wrap it up, and send it out, after a certain point.. It was meant to be short. But I should probably have given it just a little more effort.
About the harshness. I haven't recieved just this punishment, but I similar ones. And for me, it's almost necesary to reach the point of real submission. It might be a little weird, but it's my fantasy, and my body.. In general, I think the doms tend to tire before there is truely no opposition from the sub.. Which is my most treasured state and favorite fantasy experience. On the other hand, hitting the clit would be way, way to much.
I'm sorry about the formatting, I'll really, really try to fix it in future short stories.
Thanks again
zenoida
- Replied by:
Michael247
(Edit) (May 10, 2011)
- Zenoida,
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I'm glad you liked the review. I try very hard, especially on stories that I completely read, to give constructive criticism that will help the author. When I first started out there were a few long time authors who did the same for me and made me a much better author. I think you've got a lot of talent and will enjoy reading more stories from you. Like I said I before, the biggest issue is formatting, and I've had that exact same problem when I tried writing in classic literary format and then tried submitting it. Good luck!
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