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The Camera
Author: Barry F.
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(Added on Nov 9, 2011)
(This month 54047 readers) (Total 70360 readers) |
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undeleting pictures from a borrowed camera leads to blackmail |
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of Ratings: 1 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (8/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (8/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 14, 2011 |
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Clever...
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I love a tale where there is a twist ending and a story where the GIRLS win, especially here on the BDSM Library, is not only a pleasure to read, but made me smile. They get blackmailed, hammered, and then turn the tables. Sweet. And everything returns to the status quo with the narrator having some incredible memories, not to mention photographs! A sweet plot combined with some natural story telling makes this little tale something worth while.
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The biggest turn off of course is the fact that library still hasn't fixed their HTML coding problem that is turning all quotation marks in submitted works into weird ID graphic place holders. I did email the webmaster. No response. This isn't the author's fault, but I'm getting seriously annoyed with the library.
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Grammatically, the author did a decent job with his sentence construction, adding enough compound sentences to increase depth and complexity. It would have been nice to see a bit more in the way of description, but we'll get to that in a moment. So let's talk about tense. For the most part, "The Camera" is written in present tense, and I have to give the author kudos, cause he pulls this off well for the most part. And please understand that writing in present tense is one of the most difficult skills an author has to master. Present tense limits the author to a time frame, meaning that everything in the story has to come in a linear fashion. This dramatically hampers the author's ability to do description and even action. Combine that with first person and you've got even more liability, since now not only must you describe things linearly, but from a single perspective. Except for a few times where the author accidentally slips into past tense, this is well executed.
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In this particular tale, description is the collateral damage of the perspective and tense. While the "action" of the story is relatively well described, as are the characters (especially the narrator's wife!) alot of the other elements are left to the reader's imagination. Set scenes are especially blank. This is where the limitation of the first person perspective is a liability. Why would the narrator describe his own room to the reader? Good question. Why not? I've never been in his room? Where did Sarah hide the cameras? Why two? What did Kara's backyard look like? Where there any lights on in the house? Was it a warm day? Bright and sunny? The lack of description wasn't bad, but adding a little bit more will make future stories into something dramatically different, and improved. Remember an author has to serve as not just the interlocutor of action, but of scenery as well.
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I do have a few questions. Why did Sara plant TWO video cameras? Clever editing? And why wasn't she concerned that both she and Kara would be featured in the video, rather willingly too? Obviously she would only show the video to the narrator's wife, rather than posting it all over the internet, yet still it seems she has very little in the way of shame.
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My second question is about the fence. If it was short enough that the narrator was able to reach over the fence gate and unlatch it, wouldn't the fence be so low that anyone could have seen the naked girls swimming in the pool? Maybe I just read that part too fast. Oh well.
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All in all this was a very pleasant diversion and read well. I look forward to having a few more diversions from this author!
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Yours Faithfully, Michael Alexander
(www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (8/10)
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