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Sisterly Hate
Author: Tavy
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(Added on Nov 9, 2011)
(This month 63638 readers) (Total 86957 readers) |
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Lady Agnes's scheming jealousy leads to a hell on earth for her younger sister in a 13th century castle dungeon |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
Average
Rating:  (9/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (9/10) |
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Rating: (9/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 14, 2011 |
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A riveting tale, despite a few minor issues.
***
I just finished reading "Sisterly Hate" and have to say with extreme satisfaction, that this was the story I was waiting for from this author. It was brutal, yes. It was gory, yes. But it was also highly sexual and there were some pivotal moments that just really reverberated with me.
*
First of all, I get the feeling that the first part of the story was written in an earlier time period for the author, and he recently came back to finish it. The reason is because the first oh... eighth to a quarter of the story isn't as well written. Sentence structure has prepositional phrases in odd places and misplaced modifiers all over. The very first sentence, "When the Hon. Freddie Pargeter returned with his American wife to take up residence in the ancient family home of Landennis which he had recently inherited they decided to make changes" is a great example of what I'm talking about. But then the author that I've been reading over the last two to three weeks makes his appearance and those awkward sentences disappear and we've get high quality writing. It's not a negative, but I'm pointing it out because it's noticeable. When you present a story, you do it from beginning to end and an author does well to keep that in mind.
*
The plot to "Sisterly Hate" is magnificent, if a rather hokey on the setup. In fact, one of the reasons I was intrigued by the story was the supposed "ghost" that Freddie Pargeter observed in the ruins. His subsequent research into the story of poor Annette was delicious, except for the fact that it all fell apart at the end. As soon as the author finished Annette's tale, we never got back to Freddie! Who was the ghost? It couldn't have been Annette! She didn't die there! Could it have been Agnes? Who knows? Maybe the author of course, but I sure don't know a damn thing. And poor Freddie, he didn't even get some, ghostly or otherwise.
*
Once again, where Tavy (the author) shines, is in his descriptive ability, especially action. But he also goes out of his way to describe the environment and frankly, in this particular case, I could have done with a little LESS description. But still, the author paints a vivid, reeking picture and takes the reader right there. Thank God smell-o-vision, or smell-o-readers don't exist.
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Now let me expound about my "cardinal" moment. It's short and easy to miss, but the eroticism of this tale went off the fucking chart in one short burst of creativity that had me reaching MY climax. During the story, the poor Bailiff's daughter is frequently mentioned and in one awesome scene, strips naked while cleaning the dungeon, and then masturbates with her broom, not only foreshadowing Annette's coming impalement, but driving the sex meter through the roof. Unfortunately, as awesome as this scene is, it's way too short and instead of the Bailiff deciding to put his daughter down there, permanently naked as a sex toy, he kicks her out of the castle and sends her on her way. How disappointing. Oh well. I suppose in his own way, he loved her, right?
**
The torture scenes are of course where Tavy shines. In "Sisterly Hate" he has again upped the ante bringing in a great deal more sexual tension to the torments inflicted upon his characters. His descriptions are vivid, meaningful, and the action moves the plot along nicely.
*
This is easily the best of the three Tavy stories I have read so far, despite the shaky beginning and the questionable resolution at the end. As I've said before, amazing things can come out of this author. See? I was right. And chances are it will only get better from here.
*
Yours Faithfully, Michael Alexander
(www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Tavy
(Edit) (Nov 14, 2011)
- The Prologue was actually something I added at the last minute as a bit of fun, partly in recognition that this story was very loosely inspired by the following reference in a castle guidebook:
"One of the ghosts is known as the White Lady. She haunts the dungeons, and rises from St. Margaret's Tower to the castle ramparts. Those who report seeing this figure associate it with feelings of depression, fear and malevolence. She has been identified as the ghost of Lady Margaret Pomeroy who was imprisoned in the dungeons by her sister, Lady Eleanor.
"Eleanor was insanely jealous of her younger and prettier sister, and is said to have incarcerated her because of a love rivalry, after Lord Pomeroy left to go on a crusade and left Eleanor in charge. Margaret was imprisoned in the castle dungeons for nearly two decades, before Eleanor allowed her a slow and painful death through starvation."
I confess I posted this story in a bit of a rush without proof reading thoroughly enough and readers may spot that one prisoner is initially called Peter before announcing to our heroine that his name is Amos - Woops! (I was originally only going to send one prisoner to accompany her when chained but then decided to add Amos as a contrast to the later one who abuses her - he must be Peter). Near the end I also referred to Agnes being deafend by the male prisoner's scream when I meant Annette! A second proof reader would solve the problem but unfortunately my wife doesn't approve of these stories :(
- Replied by:
Michael247
(Edit) (Nov 15, 2011)
- Tavy - Your wife doesn't approve? I can't say I'm surprised! Oh well, I would recommend trying to contact someone who appreciates your work and wouldn't mind "pre-reading" you writing. Someone you respect. I have had a succession of editors/proofreaders who have helped me to no end. It's is definitely worth it.
*
Michael
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