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| Ratings and Reviews: |
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of Ratings: 3 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
kista
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 10, 2012 |
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Loved it. wish it was longer! (8/10)
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- Replied by:
Dr. White
(Edit) (Aug 10, 2012)
- Though I've enjoyed reading some longer stories on here, I always try to make my own stories quick and to the point. I fear that I'm not a good enough writer to carry things further.
Thanks for the kind words!
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 4, 2012 |
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A Wood Chipper? Pulease... like that hasn't been done before.
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I'm going to admit that I liked "A Lonely Section of Road" by Dr. White. It had a certain arousal to it. But while it got me hard, which is always a plus (and why this story rated a 7 instead of a 6) there was still something missing.
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The story is told in first person, so by necessity the POV is limited to that focal lens. But the author tries to give the narrator a sort of intellectual standpoint and I was disappointed that very little description was provided and what was given was formulaic. Character introduction followed by "hey, here's what she's wearing:" Frankly, I'm surprised the author didn't just give us her measurements.
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There was a nice balance between action and dialog, which helped to move the plot along. That's always a benefit to the story because it helps bring the reader through.
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But the plot itself wasn't very original. Guy driving past the school sees an 18 year old girl walking along, gets out, jumps her, ties her up in the van, and then rapes and kills her? Like geeze, how many times has that been done before. But I've always maintained that a tired worn out plot line doesn't mean the story is bad. A good author can put moxie into any overused plot line and make something amazing come out of it. Unfortunately, Dr. White didn't really add anything to this plot line to make it unique. The rape was typical, even the ridiculous comments given by the narrator bordered more on hazardously funny than anything darkly erotic. Like she actually believed him?
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There is also the problem with realism. First of all, it's rare for spur of the moment snatch and grabs to work. It's doubly unlikely to work if done at 2 in the afternoon, in front of a high school, when the victim is an 18 year old girl. Seriously? He caught her in 10 feet? What is he? An Olympic runner? And no one heard her screams? And then he managed to wrestle her into his van and tie her up? Seriously? I almost feel like the author was teasing us, knowing that we'd look at his procedure and accept it, because gosh darn it, he'd hate to describe something that actually worked and some sick person might emulate it. Gosh, I learned more from watching Liam Neeson in "Taken." If the author wants us to suspend our belief, he has to give us reason too. There are countless ways to do this. Instead, in "A Lonely Section of Road" we are forced to conclude one thing: the girl in question is the most stupid person ever to live and not only deserves to die, but should get a Darwin award for it at the same time.
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And then he murdered her within WALKING distance of a restaurant?
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Lastly, there was this sentence: "I drug her to the back of the van and had her tied up and gagged within a couple minutes." I had to blink a few times. Yes, "drug" is a word. But it ain't THAT word, Dr. White. I think you were aiming for "dragged."
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In summary I think we've got an author who has some ability at the technical aspects of writing, but really needs to sit down and use the ole' imagination to create a compelling and forceful story that engages the readers. That combined with his innate knowledge of timing might produce a pretty decent story.
*
Yours Faithfully, Michael Alexander
(www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (7/10)
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- Replied by:
Dr. White
(Edit) (Jun 6, 2012)
- Thanks for the comments. I am very impressed that you've put this much thought into my story.
I'm glad you, in general, liked it. As to your complaints; I'm always worried about the belivability of the things I write, and I wasn't really going for 'original' as much as 'fun' I hope I succeded a little bit.
I was wondering about the drug/dragged wording, I guess I should have looked it up.
Thanks again for the comments, I'll try to work on the originality issue... :)
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| Reviewer:
lovetotyegirls71
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 2, 2012 |
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# 10,well written story a little short, thios website has some of the best authors around hope to read your next story (9/10)
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