New Beginnings

I lay on the bed shaking, my eyes covered with a blindfold and handcuffs on both my arms and my legs. I was wearing only my underwear and my bra as I lay quietly; wondering what was to come next, aware that my heart was racing in my chest.  I was nervous and, in a way, afraid of what was going to happen to me next.  I had never been like this before, bound on a bed, my legs spread apart, at the mercy of someone else completely. Even though only minutes had passed, it felt like hours since he had left me alone on the bed. He had finally came in after what seemed like forever and I couldn’t help but feel that my heart was going to just jump out of my chest, or as if I might I stop breathing at any second.

“Hello Jessica” He said as he approached me and I felt the bed sink as he sat down on the edge, close to me.

I felt my heart racing even more and I wondered if it would ever stop. I was both nervous and curious – I’ve had almost no sexual experience at all, had never made love to a man, or let anyone touch me in a sexual way.  I was nervous because I was completely exposed to the desires of another person.  I was curious as to why I would allow this to happen to me, after so carefully avoiding intimacy for so long.

“Are your eyes still closed?”  I heard his voice and it startled me from my reverie.

“Yes” I responded, but my voice was so soft, so low that I wasn’t sure he heard me.  He must have, because he moved closer towards me and I could barely swallow the lump that had formed in my throat.

“You seem nervous,” he said.  I felt his hands go through my long, dirty blond hair, stroking it. I tried to say something but no words came from my mouth. “Don’t worry, I don’t bite,” he said playfully.  With that I smiled just a little; he had always found a way to make me smile, no matter what the situation was.  Well almost always, there were still times he made me nervous or uncomfortable, sometimes both.  Like now, for instance.

Just don’t think about what will happen I thought, trying to calm myself down a bit as I took in a few deep breaths. I wasn’t even sure why I was so nervous in the first place, after all it’s not like he would take advantage of me completely while I was tied up like this. I love and trust him completely, it’s just all of this was still new to me and I was still in process of trying to get used to it.  It was very hard to do.

“Just relax.” I heard Sam’s voice in my ear and I swallowed again.

“That’s what I am trying to do,” I responded, my voice coming out slightly shaky.  But that isn’t something that I could have stopped if I had tried. Being nervous is something I have trouble controlling no matter how many times I meditated or tried to calm myself. With that I took yet another deep breath and then another one in the process of attempting to calm myself more.

“Do you trust me?” he finally asked after a minute of silence.

All I heard for a minute was the beating of my heart, but I swallowed again and this time my voice sounded steadier; not as shaky as it has been before. “I do trust you. It’s just all of this is still new to me. It not something I’ve done before so I can’t help but be nervous.  It’s not because I don’t trust you.” Even though I could not see Sam’s expression I knew that he was smiling and that made me smile in return.  Sam’s smiles had always made me feel so warm on the inside and just seeing his smile, even in my mind’s eye, made my heart race even more.

“I understand that” he responded.  I felt his fingers move up to rub my arm some, then down my side, which sent shivers through me.  His hands moved to the sides of my thighs, and I was surprised to think that it felt pretty nice.  I tried my best to attempt and relax more and not completely be nervous, willing myself to remain calm and not panic. “This is why we are taking this slow, right?” Sam asked me and even though I couldn’t see him through the blindfold I could feel his eyes on me and that had somehow made me feel bit anxious, as well as good to see him watching me and made me want to look right back at him. In way I felt slightly frustrated that I had my blindfold on because I couldn’t look at him, I couldn’t show him with my eyes how much I loved and cared for him.

“Y-es” I managed to get out but my voice gave me away.  It sounded a bit shaky but I couldn’t help but feeling a little scared no matter how hard I tried to calm myself down. Just take few more deep breaths, and calm yourself, think of good things, you don’t want him get the wrong idea and not think that you really don’t trust him I thought to myself.  I took several more deep breaths, letting them cleanse me and blow away the tension I felt, but it seemed that nothing could ease the pounding in my chest. Part of me was curious and bit excited about what he had in store for me next, and each time he took me by surprise and in a good way.

I could feel him leaning closer to me and feel his breath on my neck but this time he didn’t say anything.  My heart was pounding so hard that I knew that he probably heard it.  But even if he did he didn’t say anything. I took another deep breath even though right at this moment they seemed to have the opposite effect, and I felt more and more nervous as his hands moved across my shivering body. Then I felt one of his hands unhook my bra which was something I was expecting from the moment that he walked into the door.  I was a little surprised he had waited so long to do it, and as the clasp came undone I felt my breasts bounce out of the restraining material. My breasts are perfect, he tells me, 34B with dark brown nipples.

He slid the bra completely off of me, briefly releasing each of my hands to do so, and I heard it hit the ground with a soft thump. I swallowed yet another lump that appeared in my throat, and another one.  It seemed like my throat was filled with nothing but nervous lumps, but the more I tried to calm down and relax the more curious and excited I became.  I still had no idea what the rest of the session would be, or what Sam had in mind for me. The ceiling fan was making lazy circles in the air and I could feel a breeze go through the room which made more shivers go through my entire body. “You cold?” He asked me but I couldn’t even seem to find my voice for just moment. 

“A little” I whispered.

I felt his hands lightly brushing across my stomach, followed by my waist, and then my bare legs.  Shivers danced along my body but this time the cold had nothing to do with it.  I could feel my heart racing in my chest once again but I knew that there was no stopping it now; he would do as he pleased with my body and I could only wait for it to come. I felt his fingers trace my legs again, my arms and again my stomach before he reached my ribcage, just below my naked breasts which made my heartbeat pick up the pace even more, making me take a deep breath, but this time it was not from nerves but from the excitement.

“You like it?” He asked me, but the mix of emotions had stolen my voice and it was all I could do to nod my head at him. His voice sounded like it had a smile in it, but with the blindfold covering my eyes, maybe I just imagined it.  I had a premonition that something was going to happen soon, and found out I was right almost immediately.

His fingertips lightly brushed my bare breasts as he traced his fingers up and down across my firm tits, occasionally touching the nipples.  I was nervous, but the sensations were definitely turning me on and I found myself hoping he wouldn’t stop.  The bed shook as he leaned over and traced soft kisses down my neck, then to my chest, finally stopping at one of my nipples, which he took gently between his lips for a brief instant.  Then his lips moved farther down, below my breasts to my stomach, which was quivering with butterflies as well as arousal.  His lips came back up again, making their way to my nipples, but this time he kissed each one longer, holding them between his lips and my heart nearly went over the edge with its riotous pounding.

Just stay calm, you know that he is doing this because he loves you, there is nothing to be nervous about, just enjoy it, it might be uncomfortable now but he is doing this for you. I took a deep breath in order to calm myself down and in that moment thought I could see his face through the blindfold, smiling and happy to be there.  After an eternity he stopped his kisses, then reached up and pulled the blindfold from my eyes. “That wasn’t that bad was it?” he asked me, and for what seemed to be the thousandth time that day I couldn’t seem to find my voice so I just looked over at him, blinking.

“It – It was okay, not as scary as I thought it would be,” I responded.  But I still could feel my heart racing and my voice shaking. Part of me still wanted to untie my hands and cover myself up since I was still laying there half naked, but another part wanted his hands on me again.  I didn’t move, instead I just laid there looking at him.

“You know you’re learning with me because we love each other, right?” he asked, his eyes staring into mine.

“I know,” I replied, smiling, but this time my voice sounded a bit steadier even if my heart was still thumping in my chest.   I knew that it would probably not stop for few more hours

With that he leaned over and gave me a kiss on lips, once, twice. Then he kissed my nipple a couple more times while one hand went through my hair and his other hand stroked against my bare legs.

After few more moments he pulled away as he sat down beside me on the bed. “You should know that you are beautiful and I love you,” he said.  A big smile crossed across my face and I smiled back.  I love Sam, and he really does make me happy, and I know that he does all of this for me. I know that even though most of time he makes me nervous, half of that time he also makes me excited, makes me wonder what he has planned for me next. As those thoughts ran through my mind, I can’t help but smile at him.

“I know, love you too,” I replied.  I wanted to hug him, but I was still tied to the bed.  It was frustrating not to be able to move, so instead I gave him the biggest smile I could, letting him know with my eyes that I was in love with him too, and that I would do everything that I could so just I could make him happy, and just to see him smile.  If he’s happy, so am I.