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Slave\'s Revolt
Author: obohobo
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(Added on Feb 14, 2009)
(This month 52769 readers) (Total 65003 readers) |
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Daddy sent Mummy, my sister and me to become virtual slaves for two days as a punishment for our behaviour towards him. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 1 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (6/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (6/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (6/10) |
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 15, 2009 |
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So, one day daddy decides to go home early because he 'suspects' something is going on with the wife. And what does he find? The wife with delivery boy.
Cheers all around, as we all can see daddy was right.
I'm the one who doesn't cheer tho.
Because having the delivery boy clean yer pipes is not the equivalent of 'something going on'. Having a go at the delivery boy is a fling, a spur of the moment thing.
So, stumbling across mummy with said delivery boy isn't proof 'something is going on' but proof dad got lucky. Lucky, depending on how you see things.
But wait a minute. Later-on, it seems the getting-home-early part is totally unneeded, as the man has a whole DVD-collection of his wife cheating on him, plus a file the size of the Empire State Building from surveillance he had her under.
So what's the point of going home early because dad 'suspected' something? Bull. He doesn't suspect, he bloody well knows. Everything. That's enough reason for never going home again, instead of early.
Story is a reasonable write, but the set-up shakes on its foundations.
Obohobo must have thought, since all roads lead to Rome, there's no need to look where he's driving.
Well, you do have to look where you go, else you might wind-up in a ditch. Obohobo just drove in one.
Sometimes people think that having a vision of some nasty erotic parts is enough to make it sound like a story, so there's not much effort put into the so-called details.
A story is like a house. With rooms, furniture, decorations.
"Slave's revolt" is a house, yes, but alas, an empty one.
I expected better from Obohobo.
JJ (6/10)
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