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The Secret City
Author: ditzylilgirl
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(Added on Aug 21, 2011)
(This month 87102 readers) (Total 120069 readers) |
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Margaret was a month away from graduating high school. However, she is kidnapped and taken to a secret community that only select outsiders ever get to see. There she is transformed into one of the lowliest members of this hidden society. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 6 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (9/10) |
Average
Rating:  (9.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (8/10) |
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 24, 2011 |
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Great (and intriguing) opening chapter, which lets presume our 'lilgirl isn't as ditzy as her nom-de-plume seems to indicate.
At the end is the promise to continue the story, so, patiently we await.
JJ (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Dryhill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 26, 2011 |
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A good opening chapter which leaves the reader wanting to know more. Lets hope the forthcoming chapter will live upto its promise. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
DogSlave
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 25, 2011 |
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I LOVE this story. Nice writing and descriptions-I felt like I was right there with her. I can't wait to read more chapters-please update soon! (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
spankinglover
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 24, 2011 |
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Just like your first story, very good getting into the characters head and some nice glimpses of the society she is in. Loves the clothing description as well done, though do hope you write few more chapters to your first story as well. (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
Az_72
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 24, 2011 |
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Wonderful start. I look forward to following chapters. More than a hint of Stepford Bound if I am not mistaken. Well done.
Azazel (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
nassim
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 21, 2011 |
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That's it. I give up. I've been working on a sex slave story on and off for about two years, and now I realize I can't ever hope to compete. I'm throwing in the towel and calling it quits. I can't wait for the next installment! (10/10)
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- Replied by:
ditzylilgirl
(Edit) (Aug 21, 2011)
- Don't sing my praises too early! I'm working on the next chapter right now. Let's see if I can actually pull it off first.
Anything in particular that you liked about this? I mean, there had to be something if you're considering "calling it quits"!
- Replied by:
nassim
(Edit) (Aug 22, 2011)
- Well, as I said before, you give enough information to set up a vivid scene without being boring. And even though there wasn't any hardcore sex, it was still sexy as hell.
- Replied by:
chirachauaapache
(Edit) (Jan 21, 2016)
- I agree completely with nassim on your story. I too write fantasy stories but you ditzylilgirl do such a better job that I. I see you keep trying to find out from your reviewers what you are doing well. Well, first off, as a woman you have such a more erotic and sexy approach to this than most men have. Male writers tend to be straightforward, get to the action fast, and just plain don't tend to write as well as you do ditzy. First off, you wrote early on: "Margaret was a very good student and had been since kindergarten. It didn’t make her overwhelmingly popular with the other students, especially the boys. It had gotten worse as she had gotten older. Boys didn’t like being shown up by girls. Margaret knew it. Her mother had urged her more than once to be a bit more “modest” about her intellect, especially around the boys, but she had not heeded the warning and so Margaret had no real friends and had yet to have been asked out on a single date." When you wrote this, I immediately identified someone from my past who met this description exactly. When I read it, I thought Peggy Brown, a girl I went to school with from first to 11th grade when I moved away. She was such a beautiful girl, I had known her all my life but was always afraid to try to date here because I felt she was so much smarter than I - not entirely true as I too did well in school, but she just seemed to do most things in school better than I - so I never invited her on a date, to my later and still regret.
So right away in this story, you give the reader a connection that we can all relate too without difficulty. That's a gift. Its what not just good but great writers can do. It enables the rest of us mere mortals to relate to the story in a way that we do not relate to our own ham-fisted efforts to write such erotic tales. I too look forward to your continuation of this story. More please. Again, good girl, well done.
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