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College Ponygirl
Author: Sarah Owens
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(Added on Jul 15, 2012)
(This month 80544 readers) (Total 92490 readers) |
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Another story set at the slave college. This time, we follow a girl as she is transformed into a human ponygirl. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 3 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (6/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (3/10) |
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| Reviewer:
H Dean
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 18, 2012 |
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The subject matter of this story was presented with simplicity. This is not, normally, a problem. Unfortunately, this story was far too simplistic and lacked any sort of eroticism. The most egregious error this author makes is in describing the action. Too often (see hypnotic TV)this author describes the mechanism behind what is transpiring, rather than letting the action speak for itself and allowing the reader to realize what is happening. In essence, where things should be erotic or suspenseful she lays it out in plain description with no allowance for the reader to "feel" what is happening.
There are also huge grammatical gaffes which were irritating - commas in sentences before "and" are the most common. Such things are unnecessary and really halt the read.
**For the author: I have a suspicion that this story was hurried for the posting. You published so many all at once that you could not possibly have done given them more than a cursory edit. Publishing stories in this way is never good. It leads to poor reviews and, consequently, negative feelings towards your reviewers. That, in turn, can kill the urge for writing. My advice to you is to allow your stories to gestate a bit. Write them out. Do so in notepad or get rid of your spellcheck/grammar check in Word. Keep writing until you are finished. Then let the story sit for a bit and then begin editing one chapter at a time. Flesh them out when you do so, treating your original as little more than an outline. Once you have them fleshed bring them over to your spellcheck/grammarcheck. Edit them accordingly and then let them sit again. Then go back and edit them - re-write them. Otherwise you will continue to get disheartening reviews.
H. Dean (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
julieo59
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 18, 2012 |
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i love this first part i wait the next one (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Major Littmann
(Edit) (Jul 19, 2012)
- You should read "The Reluctant Pony" by Rilawild as an example of how a Ponygirl story should start, even Rilawild ran out of steam after about 10 chapters.
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| Reviewer:
Major Littmann
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 15, 2012 |
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I love Ponygirl syories but this one misses out all the good bits where the girl sees a ponygirl and suddenly realises that she too is to be human equine her breasts and pubes displayed while her arms are bound uselessly and her voice is silenced by the bit and ring gag which only lets her eat and drink by sucking a cock shaped feeder....
Probably a four really, sorry. (5/10)
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